Bigger than my body gives me credit for.

I think one of the most beautiful things about the Gospel is the fact that it allows us to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. Once we are brought into right standing with God through the person and work of Jesus Christ, we are taken from living an existence built entirely around ourselves busily trying to carve out a kingdom for our own fame, and swept into something bigger, more extravagant, and eternally lasting. The Gospel sweeps us away into something that has been in motion since before the dawn of time and is, in fact, the driving force behind all of history. Namely, the reconciliation of creation with its Creator and the glorification of God in all things.

I was reminded of this several times today in little ways that I am a part of something that has been in motion long before I took my first breath and will continue to be long after I cease to breath and I find a great deal of comfort in that.

The Idol of Love

“Cause maybe you’re gonna’ be the one that saves me.” – Oasis, Wonderwall


Love. We live in a culture that loves love, or at least its idea of it. We sing songs, read books, and watch movies that exult the idea that when you find that “special someone” the rest of your life will be perfect, that they’ll save you from everything about your life that you hate and the rest of your life will be some thrilling, romantic adventure filled with passion and excitement. The problem is that it’s not true. People of the opposite sex may make good friends and spouses, but they’re terrible saviors. No matter how much someone loves you, they will fail you; and you, in turn, will fail them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, a child, or a spouse they will be unable to fill the void in your soul that desires to be loved. They can’t, they weren’t created too. We were created to love, and be loved, by God Himself and anything short of that will never satisfy us.

That doesn’t mean that loving other people deeply is a bad thing. That feeling, that emotion, that desire was given to us by God. In one of the most astonishing passages in the Bible God actually says that Man being alone in his perfect, sinless form is a bad thing. (Gen. 2:18) So God created a helpmate, someone who could provide companionship, Woman. (Gen. 2:21-23)If that wasn’t mind boggling enough He says that when two people are joined together in marriage they become one entity in God’s eyes. (Gen. 2:24)

So if love, marriage, and romance are all good, enjoyable, life giving, God ordained things then why are they bad things to desire? They aren’t. There’s nothing wrong with desiring to “fall in love”, get married, and share your life with another person. The problem comes when you make the pursuit of love and romance the primary purpose of your life. Our relationships with others are intended to be the icing on the cake, not the cake its self. Anyone who’s ever eaten too much icing knows what happens. You get a stomach ache, your body doesn’t function properly, and you just feel lousy in general. Likewise, when we focus all our energy on finding happiness in relationships with others, instead of communing with God through the person and work of Jesus and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, we will grow dissatisfied, angry, and frustrated.

In short, love is something to be enjoyed, not worshiped.

Looking for answers

“It’s hard to argue when you won’t stop making sense.” – Snow Patrol, Hands Open

I don’t know if this is peculiar to me or not (I suspect it isn’t) but every once in a while the pile of things in my mind labeled “Complaints and questions for God” gets so full that I can’t take it anymore and I have to go somewhere and have it out with Him, regardless of the fact that I never win these yelling matches. I don’t really care about winning anyway, I’m looking for answers and a reminder that the fact that I can’t make any sense of these things doesn’t matter, God knows exactly what He’s doing. Honestly the scariest thing that could happen would be for me to actually win a yelling match.

So I went down to The Garden of the Gods today to watch the sunrise, vent, and get some answers about why God seems to have turned me into His own personal piñata for the last month. I got all my answers before I even had a chance to say a word. I seriously could have gone home after less than a minute with every question answered.

It was still pretty dark out when I got to the park so the entire would was painted various shades of grey and black, there was a little bit of low hanging fog, and a fresh layer of snow on the ground. It was like walking through a dream, there was a part of me that kept waiting to wake up. I walked up to the base of the “Kissing Camels” formation and immediately felt stupid. I looked straight up at the towering wall of sandstone and felt my own smallness and the silliness of my questions. The only question that wasn’t silenced by simply standing there was answered by the snow. I had prayed for a thin layer of snow to simply act as an accent, and I got it. I felt a little like Gideon with the fleece. (Judges 6:36-40)

The funny thing is the snow was the only clear answer I got. I didn’t get any reasons or explanations for any of the other questions other than the fact that God is bigger, stronger, and wiser than me and everything He’s doing to and through me is for my good and His glory; and I’m okay with that.

What is a Christian?

What is real Christianity? We can toss around a lot of heady theological ideas, pithy sayings, and lame jokes but the reality is that trying to tell someone what their walk with Christ is supposed to look like telling a parent how to raise their kids. You can give some good pointers, but in the end it comes down to the personalities of the people involved.

We often describe Christianity as a “personal relationship with Jesus” but then deny people to make it personal too who they are. Instead of allowing them the freedom to express the unique skill sets and gifts that God provided them with we try to turn them into a cookie cutter version of what we think a “good Christian” looks like. (When someone finds this so called “good Christian” let me know.) While living by a set of rules may seem to make things easier it actually robs us of the true beauty of what Jesus accomplished on The Cross. When I became a Christian God didn’t swap out my jeans and t-shirt for a suit and tie. He did, however, swap out my self-centered, sinful, degenerate heart for a heart that desires to please Him, and confesses and repents of sin. How this works its self out on a daily basis varies widely from person to person. My personality and context, for example, is very different from my mother’s thus “being a Christian” looks different for the two of us. I’m a 28 year old man at an urban college campus in Denver. My mom is a middle aged woman living in east central Indiana. Because of this trying to apply what is an effective way for my mom to live out The Gospel within her context would crash and burn if I tried to act, talk, and live the same way in my environment.

There are common traits that all Christians should share although the way they get fleshed out may look very different. The most basic beliefs of Christianity include believing that we’re all born sinners, that Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection are the only payment for that sin, that the Bible is the Holy, inerrant, divinely inspired word of God, that cannot be added to or subtracted from, and that we are supposed to live our lives in light of these truths.

Trying to apply a formula to something that was meant to be crafted around a unique, personal relationship will only bring despair when we fail, or pride when we succeed, but never true repentance and joy.

There is no delete button

“This is one doodle that can’t be undid home skillet.” – The Store Clerk, Juno

The delete key, one of the joys of living in the digital age. If you end up with something you don’t like you don’t have to watch it pile up in your garbage can, you can just delete it and suddenly it’s like it never existed. No wonder people can’t deal with reality, the mistakes you make out there last forever. There’s no erase, no backspace, or delete in real life; everything out here is permanent. It’s one thing to imagine what failure would feel like, it’s another thing to feel it, to live through it, to endure the sleepless nights, and the gut wrenching agony that you’re sure no one else has ever felt as deeply as you do. Which is stupid, everyone has failed one way or another usually multiple times per day. It just shows how self centered we are, that we think we’re the only ones to have ever felt like this. There are people all over the world who are far worse off than we are and yet we think we have the right to gripe about our car problems, while there are people walking several miles just to go to school. We complain about the price of food, while millions go hungry. The worst part is we feel justified while we do it, we claim it as our right to whine about whatever perceived wrong happens to own the soap box that particular day. Our hair, our clothes, having to wade our way through mountains of homework, the seeming injustice of a teacher that we swear is trying to kill us so they can devour our soul.

I have a feeling that if life did have a delete button that we’d all use it so much that we’d end up back in the Garden of Eden, because that’s what we all want, that’s what we’re wired for. The imprint of Eden is still on our souls and it haunts us all.

Every.

Single.

Day.

We desire perfection because man was created perfect, the image of God himself. (Gen. 1:26-27) But being like God wasn’t good enough for us, we wanted to BE God. We wanted to set ourselves up as the ultimate authority. To base holiness off of what pleased and brought glory to us, not what brought joy to the heart of The Creator. So we ate the fruit and crowned ourselves as the rulers of our lives, the spiritual coupe was completed and our lives are scared forever by that childish, reckless decision. Mankind, the being that didn’t even possess the power to create itself, let alone the world it lived in, decided it knew more than a being that has simply always been. (John 1:1-3, John 8:58)As soon as we overthrew what we thought was an abusive, unloving, dictatorship we regretted it. (Gen. 3:7) Ever since our desire has been to find the delete button for life so that we can go back to living in a world without sin. But no such button exists, there’s no going back and undoing that one terrible moment. That doesn’t mean there’s no hope though.

There may not be a delete button, but there is whiteout. (Isaiah 1:18)

In spite of our great rebellion God still loves us and pursues us with an unquenchable fervor. So much so that He designed the only plan that could rescue us from ourselves, despite the fact that it meant sending the second person of the Trinity, Jesus, to die in our place. (Matt. 16:21) So the deep, ugly stain of sin was washed out and made pure, and while it’s not as good as having never rebelled it’s better than never being rescued.

My sin

Trying to work through writers block. I hate that word, that state of being. I’m sitting here trying to get my thoughts out on a piece of paper and my brain decides to stop feeding me anything worth typing and all I’m left with is deep, unpenetratable darkness and fog rolling around my mind. Clogging all avenues of thought and forcing me to find my way through the side streets and back alleys of thought. As I try to find my way to a clear thought I pass places I haven’t ventured in years and never dared to stay and visit for fear of what I’d remember and the things they would cause me to feel. The sorrow of loss, the deep despair of depression and hopelessness, the stabbing pain of betrayal, the fear of living a lie. They all come rushing back to me as I stop and stare into the storefronts in my mind. The stores have names like, “My Family”, “High school”, “The Air Force”, “Girls”, and “People I thought were friends”. I want to turn and walk away, to never look at these things again but I can’t. I’m held there in a state of morbid curiosity praying, hoping, pleading, that somehow as I watch the past unfold in front of me that this time things will turn out different. That maybe this time my cousin won’t get addicted to drugs. That I’ll do more with my teenage years, instead of waiting until I’m 17 to pay attention to God’s voice. That I’ll be a better leader in basic training this time. That if I replay it over in my mind for the millionth time I won’t have to break up with my girlfriend. And maybe, just maybe, this time people will care enough about me to keep me from spending the better part of a night hunched over a toilet puking my guts out.

Instead I see the same things I always see. The heartbreak, the selfishness, the stupidity, the poor choices, and the nights of crying myself to sleep. I want to tear myself away from the horror show playing out before me, but I can’t, I won’t, because as painful as it is to watch I remember what comes next. The restoration, the redemption, the growth, and finding a spiritual depth I never dreamed of. Not because I deserve it, but because Jesus died for me. He died to cover my sin, my pain, my stupidity, and my invisible spine and redeem them. He reaches into the farthest, most dirty areas of my life and transforms them into something amazing; something new, clean, and pure. And all I can do in return is give Him all the glory for it, there’s nothing about the process I can take credit for. The images in the store’s windows are painful reminders that on my own I’m useless and constantly making a mess out of things.

Jesus is the only thing I have that’s worth anything, the only one who can put me back together, the only one who’s ever lived a perfect life so I wouldn’t have to, and that makes Him the only thing worth clinging to. Not my scars, my pride, or my pain. So I watch the movies play themselves out again and again to remind myself of a love greater and stronger than all my sin. I don’t enjoy the suffering, but I love being rescued.

The trip home

I know I usually write things that somehow tie back in to a bigger reality in life but tonight I’m just writing because I want too. Or, as Oscar Wilde would say, “Art for the sake of art.”

We had our first snow fall of the season in the Metro area today, none of it stuck but it’s obvious that nature is serving notice that summer is on its way out and winter is fast approaching. In the mean time we’re stuck in that beautiful purgatory known as autumn where the world is momentarily suspended between the two stark contrasts of blazing heat, and freezing cold. Fall is probably my favorite time of year not because of the changing colors of the leaves but because of the unique feel in the air. There’s a certain chill in the breeze that only happens this time of year that makes me feel more alive and self aware. It seeps down deep into the marrow of my bones until I feel like I’ve ceased to exist and melted into the world around me, walking across campus with the granite mountains of the Rockies behind me and the concrete mountains of downtown before of me. The sounds of helicopters and airplanes flying overhead with only the flashing of their lights set against the night sky to alert you to their physical location. On the bus you can listen to the ebb and flow of conversation, the various accents from all over the world occasionally punctured by bursts of laughter reminding us of our common humanity regardless of where, or what, we call home. I get off at my stop and melt back into the chill of fall as I walk past Tommy’s Thai food, Enzo’s End pizzeria; with a bar strait out of Hopper’s “Nighthawks”, and the flower shop with gang signs carved into the grills of the air conditioner units hanging out of the windows. The white Christmas lights wrapped around Bastien’s wink at me from across the street welcoming me home after a long day of classes. I admire the tiny plants growing up between the cracks in the asphalt refusing to be choked out by the world around them not caring that the world considers them weeds that are simply a nuisance, bent on surviving in their adverse circumstances. As I turn the corner I look at the half burnt-out Monroe Liquor Store sign, with its chipped white paint and think that it looks like something from a grainy black and white photo that somehow got stuck in the wrong era. An artifact from the analog years comically cast in the digital age, a subtle reminder of where we came from. A time when typewriters, records, and Polaroid’s reigned supreme never dreaming that they’d be replaced by computers, MP3 players, and digital cameras. While all this is still tumbling through my mind I slowly climb the stairs to my apartment, turn the key in the lock, step into the warm air of my artificial environment, and hit the reset button on reality.

Evolution and The Gospel

“Give me something to believe, ‘cause I’m living just to breathe.” – The Bravery, Something to believe


I had my class on biological anthropology today and every time I sit in that class I’m always struck by how depressing evolution is. Why would anyone want to believe that we’re pure chance, that we’re some cosmic accident that took millions of years of trial and error? If we’re all some freak occurrence then why care about people in Darfur? I mean, it’s all just survival of the fittest isn’t it? If their climate dictates that they don’t survive why should anyone care? It’s less competition for the rest of us, so why do we have this innate desire to care for the abused, displaced, and helpless? Wouldn’t evolution encourage us to be as self-centered as we can?

Or, is it possible that we were put here ON purpose, FOR a purpose. Does it really take any more faith to believe that the reason we care about people is because we were designed to care by a God who cares? Maybe I’m naïve, simple, and just plain stupid but it seems to me that all these things that scientists can’t explain could be very easily understood if they simply acknowledged the existence of a Creator who made the entire world for His enjoyment and glory. That He put the human race here because He wanted to, because He wanted to share the beauty and grander of His creation with us that we, in turn, would marvel and delight in Him.

Sirens

My apartment is just a few blocks from a major intersection here in Denver, also I live within five miles of a police substation and six hospitals so sirens have become the background music to my life here. The first few weeks I was here every siren I heard grabbed my attention but after being here for a little over a month I’ve gotten so used to it I don’t really notice anymore. I used to wake up at night every time a first responder flew by with them blaring. Now I get up in the morning and wonder how many I slept through.

Being a Christian can be like that. When we first become Christians we’re very attentive to when the Holy Spirit is warning of us things in our life that need to change. Whether it’s a biting tongue, anger issues, or a drug addiction our heart tends to be very tender and responsive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit early on in our walk. After awhile though the noise and demands of life start to drown out what was originally so easy to hear. Additionally, after a time it’s easy to ignore or become annoyed with the warnings of the Holy Spirit. We dangerously begin to think that we have a strong enough grasp on what it means to be a Christian that we stop listening to the very member of the Trinity that was sent to help us in our walk even to the point of telling us exactly what to tell the world about Jesus (Luke 12:11-12). When I word it like that it sounds stupid not to listen but we all do it. I can’t count the times I’ve ignored what the Holy Spirit was practically yelling at me in order to do what I wanted. I’m ashamed to think about how many times I’ve chosen my own comfort and desires over what the Holy Spirit was prompting me too.

The question then is how do we keep our hearts soft to voice of God in our lives? While I’m skittish about throwing out a one size fits all formula to our spiritual lives I will say that scripture makes it very clear that prayer is key in our ability to affectively hear God and respond to Him. In 2 Kings 6:17 we see prayer used to literally open the eyes of Elisha’s servant to a spiritual reality. In Acts 9:40 Peter prays for Tabatha and she’s brought back to life. The beautiful thing about prayer is it reminds us that we aren’t in control that we constantly have to humble ourselves before the Lord acknowledging that we don’t have it all figured out and are in desperate need of His guidance. Humbling ourselves to the point of praying from our brokenness in genuine, authentic, real ways will help us facilitate a mindset that’s responsive to the leading of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Jesus in the everyday

(Note: This is a slightly updated version of a blog post from over a year ago, still working on it.) :)



Today was one of those days that you never think about as a kid. You know, the days when being a grown up is "boring." I went grocery shopping, cleaned the dishes, and took out the trash. (Yes, kids it's one big party. WOO-HOO!) :) The highlight of the day was making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watching Chuck on Hulu. I enjoyed it though mostly 'cause it makes me laugh to think about how naive I was as a kid. Somehow I envisioned myself going to parties every night of the week and just hanging out being "cool", whatever that meant. Now my idea of cool is getting wheat bread buy one get one free. I almost did the happy dance right there in the bakery isle. Until I remembered that, a.) I'm white b.) it's just bread and c.) I'm in the middle of Mejier. Thinking about doing "boring" stuff reminds me of Acts 16:11-12. Luke gives what seems to be really pointless information about their traveling. "So, setting sail from Troas, we made a direct voyage to Samothrace, and the following day to Neapolis, and from there to Philippi, which is a leading city of the district of Macedonia and a Roman colony. We remained in this city some days." I'm always struck by how mundane this all sounds. There are no miracles, no angry mobs trying to kill someone, nothing earth shaking happens anywhere in these verses. And I wonder, “why is this even in the Bible? Are Paul's traveling habit's that important?” But I stop and think about what the Bible is all about, Jesus, and His Gospel. Then it takes on a slightly different appearance. Jesus was there with them in the middle of all that, the boring, everyday, unexciting routine of life. Just like He was there with me while I was shopping for bread, washing dishes, and eating PB&J. Also the fact that they were able to do all that uneventfully shows God's protection. They didn't get caught in any major storms, pirates didn't attack their ship, and nobody got sea sick. Similarly today I didn't get in a wreck, cut or poke myself doing the dishes, and I'm very thankful that I'm not allergic to peanuts. So really far from being boring this is actually a fairly comforting passage. It shows that God is always there with us not just when there's some big miracle, but when we're able to get out of bed in the morning and make it through a whole day without anything seriously awful happening to us, that's cause for praise too.

Who is Jesus? Take 2

(Authors note: This is the new and improved version of "Who is Jesus?" Still looking for feedback, especially as the first round of comments was so helpful. Thanks. )



“The Jesus of suburbia is a lie” - Green Day, Are we the waiting?


“Who do you say that I am?”

Jesus asked his disciples this question over two thousand years ago and it still holds true for us today. Who do we say Jesus is? A great moral teacher? A loony whack job with delusions of grandeur? Some mystical sky fairy that does whatever we ask Him to, like a supernatural PEZ dispenser? Or God’s own son sent to earth to pay the price for sin? These are just some of the possible reactions to Jesus, but which one is the right one? Is there a correct answer, or is it simply left up to the individual to decide which version they prefer to believe in?

In a culture where the customer is always right we want to believe we should get whatever version of Jesus we want. Today’s evangelical Christian culture has practically become a giant Baskin Robins, helping us find the flavor of Jesus that best suites us. You don’t like hippie Jesus? Try 80’s rock star Jesus, complete with feathered hair! Still not what you’re looking for? Try health and wealth Jesus, or holier-than-thou Jesus, now with three new pious sayings!

The problem is Jesus is not consumer friendly, he never intended to be. He was homeless (Matt. 8:20), His teachings were often hard to understand (Luke 8:9-10), and the ones that could be understood were incredibly challenging (Matt 19:25). Jesus never did a four week series on how to have a better marriage, there was no twelve steps to financial security (honestly, who’s going to take financial advice from a homeless guy?) He never taught people how to improve their self esteem, or how to achieve “your best life now.” Jesus’ teaching was actually shockingly simple. At the heart of all the parables, the miracles, and the healings, was His claim to be God (John 10:25-30). There are only two reactions to this teaching; you can receive His free gift of salvation and live your life centered on the reality of who He is and what He’s done, or reject Him and set yourself up as your own god.

The Lordship of Jesus is not a popular concept in our society because it means we have to shape our idea of Jesus to what the bible teaches about him, instead of shaping Jesus to our ideas of what He should look like. Suddenly Jesus goes from being our golfing buddy who knows all the good jokes, to the holy, all-encompassing God of the universe. This isn’t a Jesus who sits and drinks herbal tea with us while stroking our ego and giving us the warm fuzzies. Instead He’s the terrifying, just, God who punishes those in opposition to Him in a fury of Holy wrath (Gen 19:23-30). Has God allowed us to have a personal relationship with Him through the person and work of Jesus and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit? Yes. Does God love us more then we can fathom, desiring to bless us and give us joy? Yes. But I fear we’ve over emphasized His love and mercy and in doing so turned the awesome, powerful, fear-inducing Lion of Judah into a neutered house cat.

Of course there are people who go too far the other direction and turn God (Jesus) into some crotchety old man who does nothing but sit around all day taking joy in judging people on every last thing they do. Somehow they manage to forget that the act that our entire belief system is based on; the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus on our behalf for the payment our sins, is the most loving, gracious, merciful, selfless act in all of human history. How could we forget that this is the same God that spared the entire human race through Noah and his sons (Gen. 6 and 7), that saved Lot from certain destruction in Sodom (Gen. 19). Most astonishing of all in Exodus 34:6 just two chapters after the Israelites had built the golden calf, essentially spitting in the eye of the God who had just rescued them from Egypt, God describes Himself to Moses and the entire nation this way:

"The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness,”

Which leads us back to the original question, who do we say Jesus is? The judgmental kill joy in the sky? Or the benevolent, passive, fairy from Heaven with Holy pixie dust that He sprinkles on everyone so that no one will go to Hell? Hopefully by now you can see that neither of these is a true depiction of the Jesus we see in the Bible, but it still doesn’t answer the question.

The best description came from Jesus Himself, a shepherd (John 10:7-18). A shepherd is violent when his flock is threatened. He takes whatever measures are necessary to defend his sheep, not allowing anything to get close to them that may harm or kill them. At the same time a shepherd is loving and gentle with his sheep, tending to their needs, not wanting any of them to suffer harm. In the same way Jesus defends His church with a mighty and terrible love. To those who would defile and corrupt His Holy bride, he is fierce and relentless. Habitual commandment breakers, false teachers, liars, and heretics are met with His demand for Holiness and sentenced to eternity in Hell. With those He’s called and redeemed He is merciful and long suffering, not willing to lose even one to Satan’s schemes. There are times when a believer needs to be reprimanded but it’s done out of Jesus’ love for them and His desire to draw them closer to Himself. Not out of some cruel, twisted joy in watching them suffer.

The Jesus of the Bible is not some junior high kid flying from one extreme to another on a whim, but rather a loving father taking whatever stance is necessary to protect and nurture His children.

Who is Jesus?

(Authors note: This is a rough draft of something I'm working on, feedback would be very helpful.)

“The Jesus of suburbia is a lie” - Green Day, Are we the waiting?


“Who do you say that I am?”

Jesus asked his disciples this question over two thousand years ago and it still holds true for us today. Who do we say Jesus is? A great moral teacher? A loony whack job with delusions of grandeur? Some mystical sky fairy that does whatever we ask Him to, like a supernatural PEZ dispenser? Or God’s own son sent to earth to pay the price for sin? These are just some of the possible reactions to Jesus, but which one is the right one? Is there a correct answer, or is it simply left up to the individual to decide which version they prefer to believe in?

In a culture where the customer is always right we want to believe we should get whatever version of Jesus we want. Today’s evangelical Christian culture has practically become a giant Baskin Robins, helping us find the flavor of Jesus that best suites us. You don’t like hippie Jesus? Try 80’s rock star Jesus, complete with feathered hair! Still not what you’re looking for? Try health and wealth Jesus, or holier-than-thou Jesus, now with three new pious sayings!

The problem is Jesus is not consumer friendly, he never intended to be. He was homeless (Matt. 8:20), His teachings were often hard to understand (Luke 8:9-10), and the ones that could be understood were incredibly challenging (Matt 19:25). Jesus never did a four week series on how to have a better marriage, there was no twelve steps to financial security (honestly, who’s going to take financial advice from a homeless guy?) He never taught people how to improve their self esteem, or how to achieve “your best life now.” Jesus’ teaching was actually shockingly simple. At the heart of all the parables, the miracles, and the healings, was His claim to be God (John 10:25-30). There are only two reactions to this teaching; you can receive His free gift of salvation and live your life centered on the reality of who He is and what He’s done, or reject Him and set yourself up as your own god.

The Lordship of Jesus is not a popular concept in our society because it means we have to shape our idea of Jesus to what the bible teaches about him, instead of shaping Jesus to our ideas of what He should look like. Suddenly Jesus goes from being our golfing buddy with the solid handicap, to the holy, all-encompassing God of the universe. This isn’t a Jesus who sits and drinks herbal tea with us while stroking our ego and giving us the warm fuzzys. Instead He’s the terrifying, just, God who punishes those in opposition to Him in a fury of Holy wrath (Gen 19:23-30). Has God allowed us to have a personal relationship with Him through the person and work of Jesus and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit? Yes. Does God love us more then we can fathom, desiring to bless us and give us joy? Yes. But I fear we’ve over emphasized His love and mercy and in doing so turned the awesome, powerful, fear-inducing Lion of Judah into a neutered house cat.

The reminder of pain

Pain, we all live with it. Whether it’s emotional, physical, or spiritual, pain is probably the most common part of the human experience. Ever since The Fall pain has served as the constant reminder that something in our world is out of sorts, that things are not as they should be.

We can’t enjoy our playing our favorite sports because of arthritis; we hold back from giving ourselves completely to the ones we love because of some emotional wound, we distrust God because of some spiritual betrayal in the past. Pain is the silent messenger whispering to our soul that there is something about us that is corrupt and foul. We believe that we’re somehow of lesser value because of it. If it’s physical pain we’re ashamed that we can’t contribute more to society. Emotional pain leaves us feeling dirty and that we somehow deserved whatever it was that happened to us. Spiritual pain convinces us that God must not love us and that our darkest fears of being to sinful to be saved are true.

Pain points to the ugly reality of sin and death, while at the same time pointing us toward the glorious hope of Heaven and the restoration of our bodies to their original perfect, sinless form. That’s why we must learn to embrace it, not in a masochistic kind of way, but in a redeemed God glorifying way. We need to learn to use it to remind us that God has promised us perfect, sinless, bodies, hearts, and minds, and that pain now is a small price to pay for an eternity without it.

Oasis and The Gospel

“Some might say we don’t believe in Heaven, go and tell it to the man who lives in Hell.” – Oasis, “Some might say”

As some of you know I’m a big fan of the British rock band Oasis. Today Noel Gallagher, their lead guitarist, left the band after getting in yet another fight with his younger brother Liam who’s the lead singer. There’s a part of me that would love to pull out the Kleenex and play “Wonderwall” full blast. I’m going to resist that urge and instead use it as a springboard to write about something meaningful.

As I was talking (texting) with Jimmy about this I made the comment that they were gifted musicians but incredibly lost people, which he pointed out is the general story of rock n’ roll and that it makes him look forward to the day we’ll be in Heaven. As much as I love Oasis’ music, I love the prospect of spending eternity with Jesus an enumerable amount more than that.

In moments in my life where something shakes up my world to some degree, I find it’s often easier to see life in light of the reality of The Gospel and eternity. While I’m saddened by Oasis’ split, I’m reminded that it’s God who gave me my love for music because He loves me and wants me to enjoy His creation. Someday I’ll join a choir of millions singing creation’s most perfect love song, and the loss of one rock band will be a distant memory.

Markers along the way

I think it's important for people to have mementos from important moments in their life. Birth certificates, diplomas, wedding rings, these are all reminders of significant events in our lives. For Christians it's also important to have things that remind us of the times in our spiritual lives that God provided for us in unforeseen and amazing ways. We see this repeatedly throughout the Bible, especially the Old Testament. After their miraculous crossing of the Jordan river the Israelites set up a stone memorial to remind them of what God had done for them there. (Josh 4:20-24) In fact in the book of Joshua alone the Israelites set up seven memorials to remind them of important moments in their history. (Josh 4:20-24, 7:26, 8:28-29, 8:32, 10:27, 22:34, 24:26-27)

In my own life there are things that are markers of times God has worked, for, in, and through me. Anytime I see a Pizza Hut I'm reminded of my salvation and the joy and freedom I have in that. My charcoal and navy blue fleece is a reminder of my mission trip to Vietnam, what I saw God do there, and that I'm supposed to live as a missionary where I am. My newest marker (and the one that prompted this post) is the skyline of Denver and the Rockies. I was driving home last night from Buffalo Wild Wings and came over the crest of a hill and there below me was Denver. Between the street lights, the skyscrapers, and headlights, it looked like a giant living Christmas tree. I was reminded of everything God had done on my behalf for me to arrive here. An Air Guard recruiter so determined to fill slots that he looks through the IRR records to find people in those career fields, the only one in Colorado who does that. A new GI Bill that provides me with the income I need to live here. Putting me in touch with an Acts 29 church that's not even a year old yet, thus making it the perfect learning opportunity for me. Helping me find and sign for an apartment in less then a week that "just happens" to only be three and a half miles from where I go to school and church. Those are just some of the things I'm reminded of when I see the Qwest building, or The Flatirons. I smile, laugh, and thank God for providing for me far beyond what I deserve in spite of the fact that I never have, and never will, do anything to deserve it.

These are some of mine, I would encourage you to stop and take a few minutes to think about times God has moved mightily on your behalf and what some things are that remind you of that. Because there will be times that you'll feel forsaken and need those things to remind you that the God who was with you then is still with you now.

What is The Gospel?

I talk about The Gospel a lot in my blog but I haven't every really defined what I mean when I talk about The Gospel. Today I want to try to address the fact that I think most Christians aren't really sure what The Gospel is. This interferes with their ability to live lives centered around The Gospel, negatively affecting their children, and rendering them impotent as missionaries in their culture. Before I get to far into this post I want to make it clear that I'm a Calvinist and that my view of The Gospel and salvation stems directly my theology.

First we have to define what The Gospel is. I have to admit this is something I struggled with a great deal when I felt the Lord first calling me to church planting 2 years ago. Because of the people that I was reading and listening to, primarily Acts 29 guys, the common theme was The Gospel. I kept coming across things like; the local body of believers needs to be Gospel centered, preaching needs to be Gospel centered, mission needs to be Gospel centered, essentially everything that is done by Christians was to be centered around The Gospel. This sounded reasonable, the only problem was I didn't have a clear enough understanding of what The Gospel was to make any sense of what they were trying to say. I think it's important to point out that I've grown up in the church, sat under solid bible teaching for most of my life, and have a mother who is gifted at teaching children the concepts and doctrines of the bible. Yet, somehow, I was never taught The Gospel clearly and repetitively enough that I could clearly articulate it. I understood enough to know that it was more then simply doing certain things and refraining from participating in others, but I was unable to get much farther then that without getting confused. I continued to read and research what exactly The Gospel IS and how to explain it to myself and then to others. The quotes I came across that helped me the most are these three:

"The Gospel is: God has come to rescue and redeem creation through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ on our behalf." - Tim Keller

"For to Calvinism there is really only one point to be made in the field of soteriology: the point is that God saves sinners. " - J.I. Packer

"Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you— unless you believed in vain.

For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures" - 1 Corinthians 15:1-4 ESV


At it's core The Gospel is simply the fact that we're all sinners, living contrary to God's law, incapable of saving ourselves.(Romans 3:23) That our only hope of being seen as holy and perfect in God's eye's is through receiving His gift of salvation that was bought through Jesus' sinless life, His death on the cross in our place, and His resurrection from the dead three days later, forever defeating Satan, sin, and Death. (Mt. 27:32-50, Mt. 28:1-10, Rev. 19:11-21) Thus securing eternal life for all those He calls to Himself. (Romans 9:1-29)

So how does this affect us as we attempt to live lives based on this reality? Simply, one day Jesus will return and restore the world to it's original perfection. (Romans 8:19-23) In the mean time we are called to be agents of His kingdom here on earth proclaiming what He accomplished during His time here on earth, assisted and guided by the Holy Spirit in our actions. (Mt. 28:18-20, Acts 1:2-8) This means we should view our time, talents, and money not as ours but as tools given to us by our Heavenly Father for the advancement of His Kingdom. This means our lives aren't based on what's best for us, but what brings God the most glory.

I know one pastor who drills the idea that everywhere we go we're to be missionaries into his kids minds by having the following kinds of conversations with them on a regular basis:

"Why do we play in little league?"

"So that we can tell people about Jesus."

"And....?"

"To have fun and play baseball."

This is a brief overview of The Gospel and how it is to be intertwined with our lives. It's not a very good one (I think) so I would encourage you to order Tim Keller's study guide on The Gospel and have your entire family go through it together. Also, Ed Stetzer is a brilliant missiologist (The idea that we're to be missionaries right where we are) and has many excellent resources available that would be well worth your time to make use of.

I hope you've found reading this to be a profitable use of your time.

Gospel centered bus riding

Since I'm naturally interested in people and love to watch the way they interact with the world around them, riding the bus the last couple of days has been like Christmas on wheels. It's amazing what you can learn about people without them ever saying a word to you. Where they sit, how they sit, whether or not they strike up a conversation with the people around them, all these things can tell you a lot about someone. This morning for example you could tell that almost everyone on the bus was still trying to wake up. Almost all of them were wearing sunglasses so that it was easier to nap and several of them had mp3 players pumping background noise into their half awake brains. Shy people tend to sit as far from everyone else as possible, I actually saw one person sit on the edge of their seat just so they wouldn't have to sit to close to the person they were sharing the bench with.

Humans fascinate me. Since I'm a Christian and I filter all of life through The Gospel, I believe that all people reflect the glory of God and bare witness to some attribute of His nature, people watching isn't just socially informative it's also theologically informative. Obviously because we live in a fallen world these attributes and traits aren't seen in the same perfection and holiness as they exist in God but we can see a small glimpse of God in His creation. Joy, love, kindness, anger, community, compassion, and many other emotions and actions are all small flashes of His personality, like fireflies in a night sky. In the words of 1 Corinthians 13:12:

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."

For Christians simply seeing creation through the filter of The Gospel isn't enough though, we must act to bring that creation into a correct relationship with it's maker. This is hard, thankless, unglamorous, frustrating, time consuming work that in the end may not bare any kind of visible fruit. Thankfully our charge isn't to see who can harvest the most fruit, but to simply work faithfully for the advance of The Gospel.

Boxes of light

Today was my first day of classes at Colorado University Denver. The campus is a very different place when school is in session. Between the three schools that make use of the Auraria facilities there are roughly 50,000 students. It makes you feel like you're part of a human ant colony. The classes I had today were the lecture and lab for Biological Anthropology and History of Immigration and Ethnicity. I don't think either of them are going to be easy but I do think I'm going to enjoy them.

Today was also the first time I rode Denver's transit system. As a C.U.D. student I can ride the bus for free and I live 2 minutes from a bus stop that goes strait to campus so it makes the most sense. I talked with a guy named John the whole way to school this morning. He's originally from Anchorage, Alaska but earned his bachelor's at Oxford and then lived in London for 2 years while earning his masters and then moved too Denver 4 years ago. Needless too say we had an interesting conversation.

My last class on Mondays doesn't get out until around 8:30 and tonight we got dismissed into a strong thunderstorm. It was beautiful. Pouring rain, giant fingers of lighting, and earth shaking rumbles of thunder all set against the backdrop of downtown Denver. Because the windows on the bus are tented when you look at the sky scrappers at night you can't really see the outline of the buildings you can only see the offices with their lights on. So from where I was sitting it looked like the whole of downtown was comprised of floating boxes of light, it was amazing.

There's more I like too say but it's late and I'm tired so I'll try to write some more here later.

Live from Denver

As of today I've lived in Denver for a week so it seems like a good time for new post. :)

The drive out was pretty uneventful until about 5 miles from our exit when we got stuck in a nasty hail storm. Chris took some pictures during the storm and there's so much hail on the ground that it looks like we drove through a blizzard. ( There was another storm that rolled through that had a little hail in it on Sunday, but nothing close to what we encountered.) After the four of us (Chris, Sara, Jimmy, and myself) got done lugging everything up to my apartment we spent the evening on the 16th street mall, including dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe. Which I loved solely for the fact they had entire wall dedicated to The Clash, including one of Mick Jones' guitars.

Friday we all went to Denny's to celebrate Jimmy's 18th birthday and then Chris and Sara went to see the house Chris used to live in and the hospital where he was born. Jimmy and I ran some errands and drove around town so I could show him some things around town. (Parks, the campus, the room where High View meets, etc.) That afternoon the toilet overflowed so we had to run out and get a mop and some bleach. (It turned into an adventure that took longer then it should have, but it was great for making memories.) Not long after we got that all cleaned up Brad, the Lead Pastor at High View, came over to say hi and meet everybody. We tried to talk him into coming to the art district with us for "First Fridays" but didn't have any luck. The art district was awesome, I really wish we would have had more time too look around and really enjoy it but Jimmy and I had to get up at 3:30 a.m. so he could make his flight and Chris and Sara had to start the 1,000+ mile drive back too Indiana in the morning so we had to cut our time there short.

Saturday morning sucked. There's no two ways about it. The three previous days had essentially been a road trip with my three best friends but now reality was setting in and they were all headed back to Indiana and I wasn't. It took everything in me not too cry when I hugged them good-bye. I spent the rest of Saturday unpacking, grocery shopping, and enjoying the fact that for the first time in my life I have a kitchen, bathroom, and living room all to myself. (I've had my own bedroom since I was a kid, so that wasn't very exciting. Actually it's the only thing I wish I was sharing. lol ) :)

Sunday I went to High View and once again got "roped" into being the greeter. (For those of you who don't know, when I visited in July I ended being a greeter that day also.) I really love my new church home and can't wait to watch, and be a part of, what God does through us. The rest of Sunday was pretty uneventful. We had another storm blow through, with smaller hail this time but not much else happened until Tuesday.

On Tuesday I had dinner with Brad at Brothers BBQ, which may be my new favorite restaurant, mostly because they played three Oasis songs while we where there. Playing/knowing Oasis will always get you on my good side. (Not that it's hard too get on my good side, it just expedites the process.) :) Brad and talked and hung out for awhile and then I signed my membership covenant which makes me member family number 3 at High View. (The joys of attending a church plant.) After we were full and had talked theology, church planting, and sports to our hearts content (Okay, so that probably isn't possible for either of us) we drove to the other side of town for community group. We studied James 3:13-18 which was part of Brad's sermon on Sunday and worked our way through some discussion questions and hung out for awhile afterwords.

Wednesday, yesterday, I bought my books for the upcoming semester and attended the new comers orientation, where I learned some interesting facts about Denver, like that Colfax Ave. is the longest continuous street in the country, but didn't learn anything new about the school. I didn't really expect too get any new information but it never hurts too check.

All that brings me to today. I woke up this morning and decided that a week of sleeping on the floor was all my back could take so I drove to Wal-Mart and bought an air mattress. I also purchased a Verizon Wireless broadband internet plan so I can live in the 21st century again.

Tomorrow should be a day to rest and relax and then Saturday and Sunday I have my first drill weekend before starting classes on Monday.

Thank you all for your prayers, I'll try my best to post stuff here on a regular basis.

Where has the week gone?

I can't believe it's already Thursday, I feel like I just got here the other day and now I only have one more "work day" left in the week. It's been a productive week so far and Denver is starting to feel like home.

I spent most of today taking care of school related things at Colorado University at Denver Out of all the schools I've dealt with over the years C.U.D. has by far been the most professional, helpful, and just all around easy to deal with. (Yes, that is a plug for a school. Next thing you know I'll sprout wings and fly.) :) I'll be taking one History course, Biology, and Spanish. I'm not looking forward to the last two but they're both required core classes. The plus is they take up so many hours that I only needed the three classes to get 12 hours for the semester. Also, I've felt that I needed to learn Spanish for some time now and have prayed about what I should do about that. I'm looking at this as the Lord's answer to that prayer.

On the apartment front, I still don't have one but I do have a call in to lease one I looked at earlier in the week. Hopefully everything works out and I have a place to come back too before I leave Sunday.

I've taken to doing my Bible study (and other reading) in City Park. The scenery is awesome and the vibe there is relaxing. Right now I'm reading through Acts and Lamentations. (Brad is getting ready to do a sermon series from Lamentations so I'm cheating and reading ahead.) ;)

I'm really enjoying Lamentations, for a couple reasons. First, it flies in the face of the "Prosperity Gospel" as it clearly states that God caused all the suffering experienced by the nation of Israel. (For fun go through the book and count how many times the author directly attributes their suffering to God.)

Second, when something bad happens people generally assume that God must have "accidentally" let it "slip through." In Lamentations we see a God who is so passionately in love with His people that He will stop at nothing to bring them back to Himself. What person let's the people they care about the most continue to harm themselves and does nothing to intervene, regardless of how harsh they may have to be? An evil one. For God to be truly loving He MUST do whatever is needed to reconcile His people back to Himself. How can we NOT love a God who loves us that much? This also touches on God's Holiness. For God to be Holy He cannot tolerate sin and must punish it. Ironically, He does this by using other sinners, committing sin, to punish Israel for their sins. Which just proves we're all deserving of God's judgement. Thankfully, Jesus came and lived a perfect sinless life, died, and rose from the dead so that whoever believes in Him as the only payment for sin can receive eternal life.

That's all I've got for today, later gang. :)

Joining the Colorado Air National Guard: It's good to be a Zoomie (again.)

I signed my paperwork today and was officially sworn in as a member of the Colorado Air National Guard (ANG) at 4:00 p.m. MST. I was supposed to look at an apartment this afternoon as well but there was an accident in front of it just a few minutes before I got there that shut down the street so the property manager is supposed to call me back later and reschedule the appointment.

I've had to do a lot of parallel parking since I got here which I find humorous since my driver's ed instructor said we'd never need to do it so there was no point in teaching it. Now I live in a city where it's the official pastime. Getting you car into a spot in one take is a source of pride, and the smaller the space was the better you feel about it. I'm getting pretty good at it, I'm thinking about going pro soon. :)

Tomorrow is going to be full of taking care of a wide variety of things at CU Denver. Setting up my class schedule, getting my status changed to being a Colorado resident, getting the G.I. Bill taken care of and probably a few other things that will pop up over the course of the day.

That's all of today's highlights, more tomorrow. :)

Denver: The trip out, and what I've learned in the (roughly) 24 hours since I got here.

The trip out was pretty interesting, you gain a whole new appretiation for America when you drive across it. I've flown all over the world and lived in different parts of the country but getting to see the gradual transition in sceanery from Indiana to Colorado gives me a new respect for how large and widely varied our nation is. You also learn alot about what makes us all the same. Standing in line at Subway in Hays Kansas is exactly the same as standing in line back in Anderson. There are people who wish the line would hurry up, other people crack jokes to kill time, and the people behind the counter look like they can't wait for the lunch rush to be over. I am increadably thankful for all of you who prayed for me, the weather on the way out was perfect, I only ran into a few small spots of rain. One in southern Illinois and another about 50 miles east of Denver, where the wind was blowing so hard that tumble weeds were blowing across I-70, which cracked me up. (Add that to the list of things you don't see in Indiana.)

I'm staying with Brad and Haley Hovis while I'm out here. Brad is the pastor/lead planter at High View Church. They've been great, and spending time with them has helped make the idea of living in Denver seem much more natural. Also, getting to be around Brad and talk to him is already giving better insight into the life of a church planter. All in one day yesterday he ripped his pants, had to take his Jeep to the shop because it died on him, and found out that as of right now High View has no place to meet this Sunday. (Pray about that please.)

As for what's currently going on with me, I'm signing my contract today or tomorrow, setting up my class schedule Thursday morning at 9:30 (11:30 EST), and my biggest prayer request for myself right now is that I'd find an apartment.

I need to get a move on now, thank you all for your prayers and support.

Thursday night rundown: Iran, Jesus and Sexuality.

I really want to write something but I can't formulate enough a strong enough idea that I think will hold out for one whole post so I think this is going to end up being fragmented between several different streams of thought.

Iran: I really wish more of the prominent voices in the evangelical Christian world would speak up on what's going on over there. An Islamic nation is in the midst of turmoil and protests that could open the doors (albeit, very briefly) for Christian organizations to come in and provide aid and (hopefully) The Gospel depending on the outcome of current events there. I've seen more Tweets from most Christian leaders the past week on the new iphone and iphone apps then I have on praying for Iran. (In fact, I don't think I've seen any regarding Iran.) If we want people to believe us when we say we genuinely care about the world around us, we need to take advantage of the opportunities we're provided.

Jesus and Sexuality: I've been thinking a lot about how The Gospel relates to our sexuality as well as how we should respond to sexual sin. (Fornication, homosexuality, adultery, etc.) If anybody has any thoughts or questions I'd love to hear them.

On a more personal note I'm having a hard time getting a hold of the Air National Guard person in Indiana I'm supposed to talk to. It would be nice if I could sign the paperwork soon, but I need to talk to him for that to happen so if you could pray about that I'd appreciate it.

Turning in for the night now, hope something in all that made sense.

(What's the Story) Morning Glory?

This post has nothing to do with the song, it just happens to be what's playing in the background and I couldn't think of anything better to put in the title box. (I hate that thing.)

I've been asked twice in the last week why my bracelet says "Pray for China" which is funny because I've been wearing it for almost a year now and this is the first time anybody has asked. I tell them about the church in China and how they're beaten and jailed for being Christians and am met by silence. Apparently China's human rights violations aren't as well known as I thought.

I'm in the middle of working through three different sets of paperwork right now. One for the Colorado Air Guard, another to transfer to C.U. Denver, and the last is to apply for the new G.I. Bill. I'm looking forward to the move, but all stuff I have to get done before then is not particularly thrilling.

And now it's back to the grind...., I have things that need to get done today. Later.

If you don't have Jesus you don't have jack

I visited a local church today as part of my philosophy class requirement and came away incredibly upset by the experience. This a church I've been hearing about for some time and I was really looking forward to visiting it but by the end of the service it was all I could do not to stand up and start yelling at the pastor. I kept thinking that at some point he'd say what I expect to hear in any church that is truly a church, but he never did. Not once did he mention sin, repentance, and most importantly there was no mention of Jesus being the only way to heaven. In fact throughout the entire service of singing, praying, and the message, none of these things was touched on. In fact I don't think I heard the name of Jesus mentioned once.

This may seem incredibly obvious but I'll say it any anyway; if you don't have Christ at the center of what you're doing, you don't have Christianity. You have a group of nice, moral, caring people who are going to Hell. I'm glad they care about the city and in particular the downtrodden and mistreated but if the Gospel of Jesus' redemptive work through His life, death, and resurrection, isn't at the heart of what you're doing you're doing it in vain. What I attended this morning was a meeting for spiritual/religious people who want to have the trappings of a church (worship music, prayer, sermon) without the message of the church. The pastor kept making references to "speaking and living the truth" without ever saying what that truth was. You can't live and speak something you don't know, and these people don't truly know Jesus and His message therefore they don't know The Truth.

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - Jesus, John 14:5-7

Also if there is no sin then why did Jesus have to come and pay for it with his life? If there's no sin then Christians have the most dumb, pointless, and useless belief system in the world. If there's no sin there is no reason for Jesus to come and die, which means we believe in a God who is either small minded and simple, or incredibly cruel, neither of which is worth following. So if Christianity is true then sin is real.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." - Romans 3:23

If we really, truly love the world we will tell them the hard truth: No one is good enough to get into Heaven on their own and it's only by believing that Jesus is the only payment for our sins that we will be allowed into Heaven. And that is The Truth.

Children of the world vs. children of God

I just got done watching the Oasis documentary "Lord Don't Slow Me Down" as an Oasis fan I loved it, but I was also struck by the world view. Noel, Liam, and the boys are very up front about their self centeredness it comes out in the way they talk with writers and each other, the way they live, it just permeates everything about their lives, they are quite obviously wrapped up in themselves. It got me thinking about how Christians are supposed to be that wrapped up and absorbed in Christ. What would it look like if we were as Christ centered as the world is self centered? How would that change things? Our lives, our churches, our communities, our world? Obviously that's a rhetorical question, we all know it would make a lot of things better, maybe not easier (just read the book of Acts), but better. People who are as wrapped up in Jesus and His Gospel and mission as the rest of the world is in their own agenda shake things up. They make a difference that can't be ignored, the world can't go without noticing their actions and words. Christians living passionately Gospel centered lives must be dealt with sooner or later by the world, are they nut jobs? Or is their Jesus really the one and only way to Heaven? May God gives us the strength, courage, and desire to live lives that are focused on the person and work of Jesus Christ and His Gospel.

What happens if you just type?

I honestly don't have anything to say, I just have this overwhelming urge to write...., so here we go. Mostly I just find the sound of the keyboard soothing. There's something about that lite tap, tap, tap, sound that enamours me. The way the keys feel as the give way to your finger tips, your will, your creative juices...., it empowering and comforting all that same time. Especially when you don't have anything you HAVE to or NEED to say...., when you just let the words pour out like water. Sometimes wondering along like a gentle brook, other times gushing out like torrid, raging river that can't be held back. People have found their comfort in words for years, whether in writing an epic tail or through the telling of an ancient fable words have untied and at the same time divided people. A well placed word can earn you favor with kings, a poorly placed one can get you killed. Words that bear truth have the ability to change the course of lives, nations, empires, all of history. Words full of falsehood can betray, kill, steal, and impoverish just as quickly. Words...., words...., can heal the broken and break the haughty. They can bring comfort to your soul, even when they have no meaning. Simply giving yourself a voice can make you feel released, refreshed, safe. Calm, peaceful, just listening the to the keyboard...., that's all I really needed to take myself to another place. To quit caring about the rest of the world and what they think, and just type until I don't want to anymore.

The Last Ten Years....

Today was one of those days where I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I woke up on the weird side of the bed. You know, one of those days where everything seems like a dream you can't wake up from...., I always find myself stuck between apathy and second guessing myself on these kinds of days. I usually wish I could go back to my sophomore or junior year of high school and redo the last 10 or 11 years of my life. I have this crazy idea that if I could that somehow I do things "right" and by the time I got to be 27 again my life wouldn't be such a mess. But I realized something today, that even if I could go back I have no idea what I would do. Which is encouraging and scary at the same time. On the one hand it's nice to know that I haven't jacked things up so bad that there's some major thing I wish I could undo, but at the same time I'm almost 28 and I still have no idea what direction to take entirely, which is not really a happy thought. I actually laughed out loud when I realized this earlier today. That if I could go back, I'm not sure I'd change anything and even if I did I'm not sure it wouldn't make my life even more messier then it already is. Or, I could have a successful looking life, but be dieing on the inside. So I guess the bottom line is I'm not thrilled with my life, but I'm not sure I'd be willing to risk going back and changing it either.

Things that make me feel old

Cell Phones: I remember when getting a phone in my room was a big deal. Now I have one in my pocket.

Sheryl Crow's song "I can't cry anymore": I was 14 when it came out. I heard for the first times in years today and realized....., well I'm not sure what, but it made me feel old.

Anything by the Spin Doctor's: I heard them today too....., man I really need to quit listening to the radio.

mp3's: I can remeber dancing around the living room to records when I was growing up, now we listen to music in tiny little digital things.

Having a car payment: Heck, I could have just said having a car, but the fact that I know enough about money to balance my expenses is pretty mind blowing to the 8 year old in me.

The church and the Gospel

I’ve been thinking about this since church Sunday, the difference between people who go to church and people who are the church. I know this this has been talked, wrote, and debated about to death but there’s something about sitting in church that makes me rethink the idea of church.

Here are some of the things that crossed my mind:

How do we get people to quite thinking about church as something you do and instead as something you are? Is there a way? Because honestly I’d rather be surrounded by 10 people who are passionately in love with Jesus and proclaiming His Gospel and encouraging me to do likewise, then with 300 who are just there because church is what you “do” on Sundays and our church building has the most comfortable chairs to take a nap in in the area.

What’s with our fascination with numbers and programs? We say that they don’t matter but we seem so reluctant to let them go. I know some programs are necessary (like training and discipleship for example) but do we really need something every night of the week? How are people supposed to build relationships and live the Gospel with world around them if we keep them busy all the time? Or what if they have the time to do those things but we’re not actively, publicly, encouraging them too pursue that course of action?

We admit that church is messy, but then act like it’s not. What’s the point in having people meet together in groups (small groups, community groups, cell groups, whatever catch phrase your church has attached to it) if real, raw, honest, communication isn’t happening? If we can’t admit we’re jacked up sinners still very much in need of the Gospel ourselves to each other how are we ever going to get our people to be that honest with unbelievers? The Gospel message will not be attractive at all to the world around us if the people who are trying to live/share it are pretending to be something they’re aren’t. Namely, perfect.

Granted there are more things that could go here, and this is a bit of a personal rant that should be taken with a grain of salt, but I think there are plenty of us who sit in a building on Sunday and from time to time wonder “how did we get here? Is this really the best we can do?”

Army...., anyone?

A lot of things have changed and shifted lately and I would really appreciate your prayers, and input.

A few weeks ago I decided that I should probably double check the numbers for tuition at the University of North Texas partly because I’m not known for my ability with numbers and as I was looking over all the information it looked like I probably miscalculated the cost of school, which I had. Since then I’ve looked into other options that would allow me to move to Dallas and attend The Village Church but nothing I came across seemed like the right thing to do so I’ve scraped that plan.

Initially it looked like I would enroll in the adult learning program at Anderson University and get my B.A. in Christian Ministry and while that option is still in play, my focus has shifted elsewhere.

The more I thought about living in Anderson for another 2 to 3 years (minimum) the more I knew I couldn’t do it. Which is why at this point I’m planning on joining the Army in August and making a career of it while finishing my degree and hopefully starting on my master’s degree. I have a bigger plan behind it though; I’m hoping to use the Army as a launching point for a kind of organic/cell church planting network. This an idea I’ve been mulling over since the Exponential Conference in Orlando last year and every time I would think about it I always came back to thinking that the military was the perfect place to start this kind of ministry. The two career fields that I’d like to sign up for, psychological operations and human intelligence collector, are based on my desire to plant churches and start this kind of movement in the military. They are both in the intelligence career field and involve being able to adapt to different cultures and find ways to communicate a message in a way that makes sense within the context of that culture. I can’t think of a better place to find ready made church planters, all you have to do is equip them with a proper understanding of the Gospel and they already have the training in people skills and adaptation to find ways to best spread the message the culture around them.

Of course there are other things that factor into this decision but this is a pretty good “big picture” overview of where I’m at right now.

Raw

That's how my soul feels right now. Raw. Unprotected. Vulnerable. Tired, exhausted really. Everything about me just feels worn down, beat up, and spent. I'm burnt out, confused, frustrated, slightly pissed, and just ready for a break in general. I'm ready to be done with school, with trying to figure out how things are going to work themselves out. I honestly don't even have the energy to be irked about going to Anderson University anymore. It's just not worth the effort it would take. I'm more or less numb to pretty much everything right now, and tired of constantly living in this middle ground. I feel like I'm perpetually suspended between being treated like an adult or a child. I'm almost 28 years old for crying out loud, I AM an adult. I know it may not look like it but I'm not wondering aimlessly around trying to find a way to spend my life shirking responsibility. It's not my fault that God didn't personally come down and give me some clearly spelled out plan for the next ten years of my life, so yes, there's been a lot of trial and error that I'm sure hasn't looked all that impressive from the outside but trust me when I say I've been following the Holy Spirit and it's leading every step of the way. Granted, it's lead me in a big circle right back to good ole' Anderson, and that is a bit frustrating, but I followed Him every step of the way. I can't say that it makes sense to me or that all of the last year and a half ever will but I do know that everything I did was what I was supposed to do at the time. It's deepened my conviction that God has undoubtedly called me to plant churches and to help train and equip people for church planting, over seas missions work, and just helping people understand and appreciate the importance of being missionaries in their own backyards.

I've been listening to the Robbie Seay Band's version of "Beautiful Scandalous Night" almost non stop lately, here are the lyrics:

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified
Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul
In the fountain that flows
For you and for me and for all

Chorus:

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that pours
From our blessed Savior's side

Never a dull moment

So it turns out I was slightly off in my calculations on tuition for UNT (What? Me, bad with numbers? Noooooooo........) :) Right now I'm working on various and sundry new "it" plans and right now it looks like Dallas Christian College's adult education program may be a good fit. Assuming I can find a job in the DFW area. I'm getting ready to write The Village to see if they can help me locate a job in the metroplex somewhere. Obviously I'd like this too all work out and be the end of my drama for the time being. Of course I know God is not surprised by any of this and is guiding my steps in exactly the direction that He had planned for me long before I was born so please pray that if this is God's will everything would work out soon and if not that it would be clear what I'm supposed to do next.

What I learned from the Air Force

Yesterday marked the seventh anniversary of when I arrived in San Antonio, TX for the Air Force's Basic Military Training. (B.M.T.) Which means seven years ago today was my first full day at Basic. I don't remember anything about the first day, in fact all of the things I remember about BMT are a little out of order. (For example, I remember my T.I. falling into a giant flower pot while marching us, I just don't remember what week it was.) :)

Really though it doesn't matter because what I gained from the Air Force wasn't a skill, (What civilian employer wants someone who can build bombs and missiles?) but experience. I'll carry the things I did and saw in the Air Force with me the rest of my life. From doing a lot of things I didn't want to (and a few that I did) I learned time management, perseverance, and how to think clearly and quickly in stressful situations.

What I value most was what I learned about myself and the world around me. One of the most important things I learned was that I really am smart. I know this sounds slightly cocky but you have to understand that I grew up with friends who were/are incredibly smart. (One of them has their PhD in mathematics and another graduated from the I.U. Med school.) Because all my friends excelled in school I always felt less intelligent then I actually am. When I got interact with a larger part of the population I realized that I'm a lot smarter then I was giving myself credit for. I also learned more about the world at large though. By getting bounced around the U.S. for various parts of my training I got to see how different one part of the country is from another, not just geographical but in the way people think, act, and process the world around them. Of course the biggest learning experience for me was being stationed overseas. I learned how to assimilate to various cultures and got to see first hand how vastly different my American view on things was from a Korean or Italian view on the same thing. These are the things that Air Force gave me that will continue to aid me the rest of my life.

School daze

Now that I've got into a bit of a routine for school I'm hoping to be able to post on here a little more often. I'm going to have to drop my chemistry class because it was more coursework then I could haddle right now. Which leaves me with philosophy of religion, art history, and math. I'm enjoying all my classes for the most part, art history is pretty demanding as it has a lot of projects that have to be completed. (Right now I'm working on a collage of Van Gough's self portrait.) I doing a lot better in my math class then I expected which is encouraging and philosophy has been fairly easy so far. (Which is good because I'm planing on majoring in it.) Right now it looks like I'll be transferring to the University of North Texas in August to finish my degree as well as getting involved the church planter training that the Village church provides. Once the new G.I. Bill comes into effect it should cover all my school costs.

Right now I'm recovering from practicing MMA ground control tactics with some guys from church last night. It was fun but exhausting, and I'm paying the price for it today. :)

I have to grab some food now and then head off for art history, happy day! :)

Of taxes and the Lord's Supper

You have to love our government; I got a letter today from the IRS saying that their records show that I served in a combat zone. I haven’t been in a combat zone (Korea) since 2003; I think they might be just a little bit late on this one. :)

We celebrated the Lord’s Supper yesterday at church and that got me thinking about the differences between the Old and New Testaments and what Jesus’ death on the cross accomplished. In the Old Testament the blood of the sacrifices’ could only wash the outside, but during communion we symbolically drink Jesus blood showing that his sacrifice did something the Old Testament sacrifices could never do, He cleanses our inside. Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection allowed for our lives to be freed from the grip of Satan, Hell, and death; something no animal sacrifice could ever achieve. I know this isn’t a groundbreaking revelation but as I sat there with the grape juice in my hand yesterday it just hit me in a very strong way and made me appreciate my salvation and what an amazing, supernatural act Jesus’ sacrifice is.