Looking for answers

“It’s hard to argue when you won’t stop making sense.” – Snow Patrol, Hands Open

I don’t know if this is peculiar to me or not (I suspect it isn’t) but every once in a while the pile of things in my mind labeled “Complaints and questions for God” gets so full that I can’t take it anymore and I have to go somewhere and have it out with Him, regardless of the fact that I never win these yelling matches. I don’t really care about winning anyway, I’m looking for answers and a reminder that the fact that I can’t make any sense of these things doesn’t matter, God knows exactly what He’s doing. Honestly the scariest thing that could happen would be for me to actually win a yelling match.

So I went down to The Garden of the Gods today to watch the sunrise, vent, and get some answers about why God seems to have turned me into His own personal piñata for the last month. I got all my answers before I even had a chance to say a word. I seriously could have gone home after less than a minute with every question answered.

It was still pretty dark out when I got to the park so the entire would was painted various shades of grey and black, there was a little bit of low hanging fog, and a fresh layer of snow on the ground. It was like walking through a dream, there was a part of me that kept waiting to wake up. I walked up to the base of the “Kissing Camels” formation and immediately felt stupid. I looked straight up at the towering wall of sandstone and felt my own smallness and the silliness of my questions. The only question that wasn’t silenced by simply standing there was answered by the snow. I had prayed for a thin layer of snow to simply act as an accent, and I got it. I felt a little like Gideon with the fleece. (Judges 6:36-40)

The funny thing is the snow was the only clear answer I got. I didn’t get any reasons or explanations for any of the other questions other than the fact that God is bigger, stronger, and wiser than me and everything He’s doing to and through me is for my good and His glory; and I’m okay with that.