Army...., anyone?

A lot of things have changed and shifted lately and I would really appreciate your prayers, and input.

A few weeks ago I decided that I should probably double check the numbers for tuition at the University of North Texas partly because I’m not known for my ability with numbers and as I was looking over all the information it looked like I probably miscalculated the cost of school, which I had. Since then I’ve looked into other options that would allow me to move to Dallas and attend The Village Church but nothing I came across seemed like the right thing to do so I’ve scraped that plan.

Initially it looked like I would enroll in the adult learning program at Anderson University and get my B.A. in Christian Ministry and while that option is still in play, my focus has shifted elsewhere.

The more I thought about living in Anderson for another 2 to 3 years (minimum) the more I knew I couldn’t do it. Which is why at this point I’m planning on joining the Army in August and making a career of it while finishing my degree and hopefully starting on my master’s degree. I have a bigger plan behind it though; I’m hoping to use the Army as a launching point for a kind of organic/cell church planting network. This an idea I’ve been mulling over since the Exponential Conference in Orlando last year and every time I would think about it I always came back to thinking that the military was the perfect place to start this kind of ministry. The two career fields that I’d like to sign up for, psychological operations and human intelligence collector, are based on my desire to plant churches and start this kind of movement in the military. They are both in the intelligence career field and involve being able to adapt to different cultures and find ways to communicate a message in a way that makes sense within the context of that culture. I can’t think of a better place to find ready made church planters, all you have to do is equip them with a proper understanding of the Gospel and they already have the training in people skills and adaptation to find ways to best spread the message the culture around them.

Of course there are other things that factor into this decision but this is a pretty good “big picture” overview of where I’m at right now.

Raw

That's how my soul feels right now. Raw. Unprotected. Vulnerable. Tired, exhausted really. Everything about me just feels worn down, beat up, and spent. I'm burnt out, confused, frustrated, slightly pissed, and just ready for a break in general. I'm ready to be done with school, with trying to figure out how things are going to work themselves out. I honestly don't even have the energy to be irked about going to Anderson University anymore. It's just not worth the effort it would take. I'm more or less numb to pretty much everything right now, and tired of constantly living in this middle ground. I feel like I'm perpetually suspended between being treated like an adult or a child. I'm almost 28 years old for crying out loud, I AM an adult. I know it may not look like it but I'm not wondering aimlessly around trying to find a way to spend my life shirking responsibility. It's not my fault that God didn't personally come down and give me some clearly spelled out plan for the next ten years of my life, so yes, there's been a lot of trial and error that I'm sure hasn't looked all that impressive from the outside but trust me when I say I've been following the Holy Spirit and it's leading every step of the way. Granted, it's lead me in a big circle right back to good ole' Anderson, and that is a bit frustrating, but I followed Him every step of the way. I can't say that it makes sense to me or that all of the last year and a half ever will but I do know that everything I did was what I was supposed to do at the time. It's deepened my conviction that God has undoubtedly called me to plant churches and to help train and equip people for church planting, over seas missions work, and just helping people understand and appreciate the importance of being missionaries in their own backyards.

I've been listening to the Robbie Seay Band's version of "Beautiful Scandalous Night" almost non stop lately, here are the lyrics:

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified
Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul
In the fountain that flows
For you and for me and for all

Chorus:

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that pours
From our blessed Savior's side

Never a dull moment

So it turns out I was slightly off in my calculations on tuition for UNT (What? Me, bad with numbers? Noooooooo........) :) Right now I'm working on various and sundry new "it" plans and right now it looks like Dallas Christian College's adult education program may be a good fit. Assuming I can find a job in the DFW area. I'm getting ready to write The Village to see if they can help me locate a job in the metroplex somewhere. Obviously I'd like this too all work out and be the end of my drama for the time being. Of course I know God is not surprised by any of this and is guiding my steps in exactly the direction that He had planned for me long before I was born so please pray that if this is God's will everything would work out soon and if not that it would be clear what I'm supposed to do next.