The Last Ten Years....

Today was one of those days where I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I woke up on the weird side of the bed. You know, one of those days where everything seems like a dream you can't wake up from...., I always find myself stuck between apathy and second guessing myself on these kinds of days. I usually wish I could go back to my sophomore or junior year of high school and redo the last 10 or 11 years of my life. I have this crazy idea that if I could that somehow I do things "right" and by the time I got to be 27 again my life wouldn't be such a mess. But I realized something today, that even if I could go back I have no idea what I would do. Which is encouraging and scary at the same time. On the one hand it's nice to know that I haven't jacked things up so bad that there's some major thing I wish I could undo, but at the same time I'm almost 28 and I still have no idea what direction to take entirely, which is not really a happy thought. I actually laughed out loud when I realized this earlier today. That if I could go back, I'm not sure I'd change anything and even if I did I'm not sure it wouldn't make my life even more messier then it already is. Or, I could have a successful looking life, but be dieing on the inside. So I guess the bottom line is I'm not thrilled with my life, but I'm not sure I'd be willing to risk going back and changing it either.