Living in the now

I'm at one of those points in life where everything is just sitting still. It's the first time in a year my life has been this slow. I'm trying to enjoy it but honestly I'm a little bored and more then a little afraid of what's may be around the corner. Usually when things get this slow it's God's way of saying something crazy is about to happen and I'd better rest up and get ready.

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about how much of a disconnect there is between what I say I believe and how I act most of the time. Granted, I'm not the worst person I know, but I am still a sinner and find myself doing/saying things I wish I could take back. It's not even like it would be all that hard to change I just don't, which makes me feel like a real moron most of the time. I can't even get out of bed some days without screwing things up. I wake up some days cussing under my breath about something that's wearing on my nerves like I have any control over life, or that having a lousy attitude is going to change things. I know God is sovereign, that He knows exactly what He's doing and just need to shut up and listen. Most of the time though I'd just rather whine and dig my heels in like a two year old, I've yet to see any positive results from using this tactic but somehow that doesn't seem to stop me from doing it. I'd like to think some day I'll get past this, I think it'll get better as I mature more, but part of being human is having to constantly fight my sin nature not matter how mature I may become there's always something. I know this because I know plenty of people who are more mature then I am and they still fight this battle every day, which is helpful and disheartening at the same time. It means I'm no more jacked up than anybody else but at the same time it means this is something I'm going to have to fight for the rest of my life.